A letter to The unknown

You are a paradox in my life. A place where the heart and the ego stand on opposite sides of a bridge, gazing at the same horizon but with entirely different eyes. The heart sees you as infinite possibility, a space where new worlds and insights await. The ego sees you as a precipice, a place with no footing, filled with threats of losing everything that keeps me secure.

You are both my dream and my fear. I long for you, yet I fear you. Within you lies the freedom I so often think about - the boundless, creative freedom to be everything, to become everything, to let go of the old and step into the new. But within you also lies the dissolution of everything I believe myself to be. You are death, and you are life. You are the transformation that never asks for permission and cannot be stopped, no matter how much I think I want to resist it.

There is a part of me that wants to rush toward you, to fall into your embrace and become one with all that you are. I see the possibilities and feel the thrill of what is not predetermined. I want to taste it, explore it, claim it. But at the same time, there is the ego - my loyal, sometimes fearful ego that clings to the known, to what I can control and understand. It whispers in my ear, "What if you fall?" "What if you lose everything?" "What if the unknown is the end of everything you are?"

And so here I stand, caught between courage and fear. Between the heart’s longing and the ego’s trembling hands. I know that I cannot avoid you. You are the constant thread in life’s tapestry, every day, you are here, and every choice I make leads me closer to you. I know that every step outside my comfort zone is a step into you.

But it is not just fear. For I have also seen your beauty. I have met you time and again in my inner journeys, aided by nature’s alchemy, and each meeting has led to deep transformation. I have met you in the moments when I thought I would break, and yet I found myself more whole on the other side. I have met you in flashes of creative inspiration, in cherished relationships, in the silence after a storm. You are not just the end; you are also the beginning. You are both chaos and cosmos, and I cannot escape you, just as I cannot escape myself.

So, dear one, I want to invite you in. Not with the condition that you be safe or easy to understand, but as you are - unfathomable, unclear, infinite. I know there will be moments when I hesitate, when I cry, laugh, fall, and rise again. I know I will not always have the courage to face you fully and completely. But I promise to do my best.

And when I finally step into you, when I let go of my fears and my preconceptions, I know I will find myself. Not the version of me that my ego has constructed, but the one I truly am - the pure, free, timeless self that has always been there.

Thank you for being here, always and never predetermined. You are my greatest fear and my greatest longing.

With love and respect,

Mike